Relationship

Why do we cover our eyes while reciting the first verse of the Shmah prayer? 

The first step is to building a healthy relationship is to recognize that the other person has a perspective that is different than my own. 

At first I need to have the ability to occasionally block out my perspective and attempt to understand the other’s perspective, to the degree that my perspective is irrelevant. 

Only then can one "open his eyes", i.e. work to unify both perspectives, i.e. to allow both, seemingly opposing, perspectives to compliment each other.

Was She Ever at Reb Yoel’s Shiur?

Was She Ever at Reb Yoel’s Shiur?

We all heared Reb Yoel explain it so many times:

1) Bechirah (Free Choice) applies specifically when two things are equal to you.

2) If there is a reason to choose one over the other then it is not free choice as you are being “forced” to pick the one with the advantage.

3) and the most powerful idea about Bechirah: that when you choose between two things that are equal, you are expressing your deepest self, that your essence, which is must deeper than your rational mind, is investing itself in the choice. In the words of Chasidis: Bechirah derives from, the essence.

I know all this, yet I wonder if these ideas are too esoteric for the average person to understand. I wonder how to best express these profound ideas. Would anyone actually “get it”?

It turns out that the behavioral scientists are beginning to discover these truths.  

Below are excerpts from a TED talk on hard choices that are consistent with the three points mentioned above.

1. "When alternatives are on a par, it may matter very much which you choose,but one alternative isn't better than the other. Rather, the alternatives are in the same neighborhood of value, in the same league of value, while at the same time being very different in kind of value. That's why the choice is hard."

2. "Imagine a world in which every choice you face is an easy choice, that is, there's always a best alternative. If there's a best alternative, then that's the one you should choose,because part of being rational is doing the better thing rather than the worse thing, choosing what you have most reason to choose. In such a world, we'd have most reason to wear black socks instead of pink socks, to eat cereal instead of donuts, to live in the city rather than the country, to marry Betty instead of Lolita. A world full of only easy choices would enslave us to reasons."

3. "When we choose between options that are on a par, we can do something really rather remarkable. We can put our very selves behind an option. Here's where I stand. Here's who I am, I am for banking. I am for chocolate donuts."
4. 
   

https://www.ted.com/talks/ruth_chang_how_to_make_hard_choices?language=en

Don't Transcend, Create

Often, people are afraid to enjoy the present moment because they're afraid of the future.

They think it would be irresponsible to be fully in the moment despite the many responsibilities and obligations that are sitting at their plate.

They are afraid to savor the moment because they are afraid of what the future will bring.

The Kabbalah teaches that G-d transcends time the Hebrew word for the name of G-d includes three words past present and future all those combined into one that's because the understanding is that G-d transcends time. Yet in order to create the world G-d creates a limited expression of himself one that is invested with in time and space and within nature that name is called Elohim. which means that G-d operates on two levels: the transcendence G-d and then G-d's ability to create which necessitates limiting himself, and investing himself within the confines of time and space.

In some ways, the human being too transcends time. Although there is but one moment in the present, I have a choice, where to place myself in time. I can live in this moment or I can think about past traumas, be affected by past events, or, I could be distracted by the future. In some ways then, I do transcend time. I could be in this moment, I could be in the past, I could be in the future.

I must learn from G-d, I must learn to invest myself in the limited moments. I must learn to exist within this finite moment. I must treat the present moment as if no other moments exist. I must use the power of Elokim, of investment within time and space, to create the moment. I must understand that you create my world, to create the create my life, I must master the ability escape the transcendent self and invest in the limited self capable of investments the moment.

Because a meaningful life is nothing but the culmination of many meaningful moments.

Faith

"Bread of Faith", that is what Matzah at the first Seder is called. By eating it we actually instill in ourselves greater faith in G-d.
The Rebbe was the epitome of faith in G-d and Torah. Every detail whether big or small was never deemed unimportant. Nothing was papered over or left to the side. G-d is true and His Torah is true.
How can we make sure that we properly take  advantage of the opportunity of the the first night's Matzah?
Yud Alef Nisson is the preparation for that, if we properly strengthen our hiskashrus we can tap into that faith. Faith in Hashem, Faith in His Torah, Faith in His Servants.

The Beauty of Darkness

The Beauty of Darkness

Korach’s philosophy was as provocative as it was fascinating.

Make no mistake. Korach was not a jealous, power hungry, man, who resented being overlooked for the position of leader and therefore chose to rebel against moses and Aaron. In fact, argue the Kabbalists, Korach had a deep philosophical dispute with Aaron’s approach to spirituality.   

Korach was a great Kabbalist. He was also an extremist absolutest. Combine the two and you come up with Korach’s strange but compelling claim:  

Light is a distraction, darkness is beautiful.

Korach’s argument goes something like this: spiritual light, with all its virtue, cannot capture the essence. Only when the light is swallowed up by the pull of the source of light (similar, perhaps, to a black hole), only when the light is submerged in its infinite source, only when it is dark, do you notice the infinite source of light. Only darkness expresses that there is an essence, a force far superior than anything light can capture. Only darkness is able to express the mighty force of the black hole.    

Light, argues Korach, is not only unable to reveal the essence, it actually obscures it. Only darkness, ironically perhaps, is a testament to the source of infinity that the light can never express.  

Korach resented Aaron, specifically because Aaron is in the light business. Aaron spent his days lighting Menorahs. His life’s mission was to light the physical Menorah that stood in the temple, as well as to light the metaphorical Menorah in the heart of every Jew. Aaron was all about inspiring people to ignite spiritual light in their life through the study of Torah and observance of Mitzvot, to focus time and energy on spiritual pursuits, and to illuminate their soul with a light producing love and yearning to G-d. Aaron was the embodiment of the divine attribute of Chesed - kindness-sharing-light.      

Korach believes that Aaron’s approach of increasing spirituality misses a deeper truth. He believes it far better to help people understand materialism as a religious symbol and testament to G-d who is greater than anything spirituality can capture.  

Korach says: give me the job of high priest and I will introduce a completely different model of spirituality. No need for spiritual light. No need to inspire people to yearn to cleave to their source in heaven. No need to seek inspiration to escape the lure of the material and cleave to spiritual light. What I will preach, says Korach, is to celebrate the physical, because the physical represents the absence of spiritual light it is capable of directing our attention to the essence and the infinite source of both darkness and light.

Korach views light with disdain. In his view, the light, by definition, compromises the absolute truth of the infinite creator.

According to Korach’s plan the people would live a materialistic life without the burden of seeking spiritual inspiration. Eventually more and more people will come around to appreciate what Korach himself understood. They will understand that we are satisfied with materialism because it is a testament that the undefined G-d cannot be expressed in a limited measure of light.

Where did Korach go wrong?

Let’s begin by pointing out what he got right.

He was right that darkness has a higher source than light.

He was right that the material has a higher source than the spiritual.

Yet his philosophy was completely wrong. He was wrong because you need light to be able to understand the truth of darkness. Yes, indeed, the material is the greatest manifestation of the essence, so much so that in the messianic era the material itself will express its source as the prophet says “all flesh together shall see that the mouth of the Lord spoke”. Yet, the only way you can crack the shell of the material and connect to it’s source is if you subjugate the material to the spiritual.

Only when you allow Aaron to illuminate your life with spiritual light, with a yearning for holiness, will you be able to appreciate that the material is an expression of the essence of G-d. Only When you allow Aaron to inspire your soul will you be able to reveal and connect to the superior essence of the body. Only light can reconnect the darkness to it’s lofty source.

Seven Types of Motivation

Whenever we do anything there is always a motivation. I did it because of [this]. There are also 7 primary motives. Meaning why do I do what I do? What motivates me to remain committed to my marriage? What motivates me to keep my values? What motivates me to be moral? And why am I committed to being Jewish?

One reason can be because I enjoy it and therefore I love it. I'm committed to my spouse because I enjoy being with her. This can also be our motivation to being Jewish: I love being close to G-d.

A second reason can be that I miss it and therefore I love it. As the saying goes "distance makes the heart grow fonder". I feel so distant and I yearn to be close. This is a passionate love. A fiery love. I feel so far from G-d and I'm burning with passion to be closer.

A third reason: I do it not for me but for my spouse. I do it not for me but for G-d. Doing it altruistically.

A fourth reason: Because I'm determined to win. I will prove to myself and the world that I can do it. I will show the world that I can be Jewish under all circumstances.

A fifth reason: I'm obedient. A marriage is forever and I have got to surrender myself to make it happen. And I surrender to G-d.

A sixth reason; [This one is missing from the original text so I can only give it a shot] I'm connected to my family so I do what I have to do. I'm connected to G-d so I act Jewish.

A seventh reason: It is my responsibility. I'm the leader so I must do my part and I also recognize as a leader I'm really their servant. I'm confident yet understand that I'm a nobody without you.

Aaron the High Priest would kindle the Menorah in the Holy Temple in Jerusalem. The Menorah had 7 branches representing 7 different types of Jews. And Aaron's job would be to light up each type of Jew. So what type of Jew are you? What is your primary motivator?

Hyper awareness

How is it that we are the most insensitive to the ones we love the most and are closest to?

Familiarity.

What is the antidote to familiarity? Hyper awareness.

When we read in Chassidus about hisbonenus, what we are trying to cultivate is an awareness to an alternate reality. One which demands that we consciously relate to it and not take it for granted. And this applies to Mitzvos, Berochos and relationships equally.