Four Thoughts for Your Seder

Why ask Why?

We send our kids to School to learn the “how’s” of life: how to read, how to write, how to make friends, how to get into Yale, how to be successful. Unfortunately, we also un-teach them how to ask why. Anyone who ever spent anytime with young children knows that all they want to know is why: Why is the sky blue? Why does the elephant have a funny nose? Why don't I have wings. So we send them to school and hope that for the money we pay for tuition the kids will leave us alone, we hope that they stop asking why and start learning how.   

That’s why the four questions of the passover Seder - “why is this night different than all other nights - is so important. It teaches us and our children to spend some time on the most important questions of life that are questions of why: Why am I here? Why should I be successful? Why should I be a good person.

Bitter Herbs

One of the herbs that me be used for the at the Seder for the “bitter herbs” is lettuce. For although lettuce is not bitter, it’s root is bitter, and we can therefore use the lettuce leaf. Therein lies a powerful message: bitterness is good only if it propels you to improve and escape the bad situation. Bitterness is only acceptable if the bitter root leads to a tasty leaf.

The Flowers

The Passover Haggadah describes the question of the wise son as follows:

What does the wise one say?

“What are the testimonies, the statutes, and the laws that G‑d, our G‑d, has commanded to you?”

You should instruct him in all the laws of Passover: “After the Passover offering, one should not then conclude the meal with dessert which would wash away the taste of the Passover offering.”

If the wise son is so wise then why is he asking about the laws and statutes? Doesn't he need to know the law to be considered a wise son?

The wise son is really asking: 

The wise son is really asking: "is there one law in the Torah that captures the essence of our relationship with G-d? One that caused G-d to shatter the laws of nature when He saved us from Egypt? The wise son knows the law, he wants to figure out the hierarchy of the law, he wants to know which one captures the essense of our bond with G-d. 

And we tell him that what G-d really loves is not so much the law that he commands us to do rather it’s the additions that the Jewish people add to Judaism. Case in point: G-d commands us to eat the passover offering, yet we go a step further, we instituted that one should not eat any food after eating the passover offering so that the taste of the passover offering will remain in one’s mouth. This extra detail is a greater expression of love then the actual performing of the Mitzvah, which is a Biblical obligation. It has the magical power to express love. just as paying the mortage for your spouse does not express as much love as buying her flowers.   

The Four Cups of Wine

At the Seder we drink four cups of wine to commemorate the four expressions of redemptions that G-d promised the Jews: "I will take you out from the suffering of Egypt, and I will deliver you from their bondage; I will redeem you with an outstretched arm and with great judgments. I will take you to Myself as a nation, and I will be to you a G-d...".

A closer reading of these four expressions will show that there are only three expressions of redemption, while the fourth - “I will take you to Myself as a nation” - refers not to the exodus from Egypt but to the Jewish people becoming G-d’s nation at mount Sinai weeks after the exodus. The reason that the fourth expression is included as an expression of redemption is because for the Jew freedom from bondage is not enough. To be free the Jew must achieve spiritual freedom, and for that we need to go to Sinai.

Every Time You Open The Book

The Torah refers to it simply as “holiday of the weeks” and many contemporary Jews have never even heard of the Holiday. Yet the holiday of Shavuot celebrates what may be the most important event in Judaism: the giving of the Torah at mount Sinai.  

Why does the Torah fail to mention this most crucial detail - the reason for the celebration?

With it's silence the Torah is telling is something important about the giving of the Torah, it is telling is that Divine revelation is not specific to a particular date and place in our history. There is no "one day a year" designated to celebrate the Divine revelation. That's because Divine revelation occurs every time we open and study the Torah. As we say in the blessing before reading the Torah - ("Notayn Hatorah") "the one who gives the Torah", "gives" in the present tense.

So the Torah is silent on the date of the most important historical event in order to teach you the power of the study of Torah on each and every day: anytime you open the Torah, G-d is speaking to you, directly, personally.

What then do we commemorate on - Shavuot - the holiday of weeks?

The name "holiday of weeks" describes, not the obligation of the holiday - like the Holiday of Matzot and Holiday of Sukkot, instead it describes the lead up to the holiday - the obligation to count seven weeks in anticipation and preparation of the giving of the Torah.

Because although G-d speaks to us every time we open the book, sometimes we fail to feel the power of the experience. We are distracted by day to day life, we are tunes out spiritually and we are like a un-plowed field being showered with rain: the rain has the power to bring forth growth but the earth is too rough to accept the seed and the water.

So G-d commands us to designate some time for spiritual refinement, to count forty nine days, to understand that G-d wants to talk to us and we must tune in if we are to benefit from the experience. Finally on the fiftieth day - on the anniversary of the giving of the Torah - after all the preparation, every Jew can finally feel it: yes, G-d is talking to me, personally.

In the final analysis, what is unique about the fiftieth day is only the preparation - the weeks of counting, hence the name "holiday of the weeks" - the actual revelation, however, happens every time we read the book.  

The Newlyweds

It was Inevitable.

Yes, I know you invested so much in this relationship. I know it's the most important thing in your life. I know you spent the last two years planning the wedding and the honeymoon. I know all this. And I still think that the fact that you were so insensitive to her and offended her to her core of her soul sending a knife straight to her heart was inevitable.

Think about it. You are different people with different backgrounds, experiences, and expectations. In fact, the differences in your personalities is what attracted you to each other in the first place. No surprise then that after the magnificent wedding, when you finally got back to real life, and fell back to your old habits, did you offend her so deeply.

What should you do now, you ask? Pay attention. Should you buy her chocolate, roses, or take her out to dinner? Well, try everything you can think of, but keep paying attention.

If she loves you then after the pain subsides, she will tell you just how you should console her. If you listen carefully you'll hear her tell you what she wants you to do to show her that you really care about her, that you cherish the relationship, and that you are just as willing as before to invest in her. Listen carefully and you will hear.

If you don't trust me then take a look at what is the most dramatic story of newlywed betrayal recorded in the Torah. Just forty days after the most powerful wedding in history – the covenant and display of love that G-s showed his bride the Jewish people at Sinai - and the people betrayed the bond. They served the golden calf, striking the heart and foundation of their bond. G-d, justifiably, is furious. How can this betrayal be overlooked? To the bride it seems that the relationship is doomed.

And yet, somehow, the relationship survives. And it's not only because of the story you heard in Hebrew School, about Moses threatening G-d and saying forgive the people “and if not erase me from your book which you have written”. It's also because of the lesser known continuation of the story. It's because Moses asked G-d “show me your glory” - meaning please reveal your essence so we know how to restore our relationship. And G-d agrees. And in what may be one of the most convoluted verses in all of the Torah, G-d says “you will see my back (but my face will not be seen)”. The Rabbis understand that this is a powerful description of a deep mystical truth, and they give a little hint to help us understand what G-d meant. They explain that the meaning of “you will see my back” is that G-d showed Moses “The knot of the head Tefilin”, as Rashi explains that G-d was metaphorically wearing the Talis and Tefilin, he turned his back to Moses and showed him his back. What Moses sees is the metaphorical Talis and the knot of the Tefilin that rests on the back of the head.

Moses listened. He listened and learned how the Jews can save their marriage with G-d. He listened as G-d explained to him that for our relationship to thrive we must remember. We must constantly remember how important, meaningful, and crucial the relationship is to us. And, like the Talis and Tefilin whose purpose is to remember G-d, we must display to our beloved that we remember. To recreate the connection, there is one thing our beloved must know, and that is not how impressive we are. Not how talented, successful, rich, popular and amazing we are .All she wants to know is that we cherish the relationship more then anything we have and that we always remember this truth. To survive emotional betrayal, our beloved must have no doubt that we constantly remember that this relationship is the most import thing in our life, yes, more important then are hobbies and even more important then our career.

“Remembering”, however, may be a bit abstract, and that's why we also need the “knot of Tefilin”, which represents action. We need to demonstrate by action that we are prepared to make a “double knot” at the place we severed the rope binding us to each other. Taking out the garbage, or buying flowers, or booking a vacation to the Bahamas, won't do it unless it's an action that expresses the deep emotional commitment.

Listen carefully and she'll tell you how you can show her that you are “wearing the Talis” - that you remember that she is the most important think in your life. Listen carefully and she'll tell you to show her “the knot of your Tefilin” - that you are prepared to do something extra to, not only rehabilitate, but to intensify the bond.  

A Teacher

We can't strive for goals that are unachievable. On the other hand, "When will will my behaviour reach the levels of our forefathers?" I don't know about you but I'm not getting there.
How do we reconcile both seemingly contradicting feelings?
This was a question inspired by the curriculum of Sinai Scholars last night.
It is interesting because we really see this contradiction by sports and physical training. you can't set your goal too high but on the other hand you can't set it too low either. The answer is a teacher that helps you set realistic goals but pushes you farther than you ever thought you could go.

NIMBY

Many people have strong opinions on how to solve society's challenges. many people believe we have to help the homeless the disenfranchised and even the ex-convicts. But many people want the problem to be solved elsewhere, or NIMBY.

According to one poster on the urban dictionary website, NIMBY is: "Used to describe a person or an attitude, NIMBY is an abbreviation for Not In My Back Yard. A NIMBY might agree that a community or a neighborhood needs a half-way house for convicts transitioning back to society, but doesn't want it placed too close to his or her own home or in the neighborhood."

The Torah, however believes that to heal society’s ills, you cannot expect someone else, or the government, to solve problem elsewhere. Rather, you must roll up your sleeves, ‘get your hands dirty’, only then can you expect to create positive change.

This idea is crystallized in the law of the Torah that is perhaps the most uncomfortable to the modern ear, the law of the Jewish servant. At first glance people wonder how can the Torah, which is supposed to be the epitome of Divine morality, condone servitude? Upon close examination, however, this law contains deep ethical and moral lessons for us living in the modern world.   

The Jewish servant is someone who stole money and is unable to repay. Instead of incarcerating the thief, which does little to rehabilitate the criminal, as the U.S. department of justice writes on it’s website that “In a 15 State study, over two-thirds of released prisoners were rearrested within three years”, the Torah puts forth a system of rehabilitation.

The Torah mandates that the criminal serve for six years and repay the debt to the victim of his crimes. This service, however, should not be performed in some far away prison camp, rather the thief is sent to a home of an upstanding member of the community. That’s because the Torah expects that in the home of the “master” the thief will find, perhaps for the first time in his life, warmth and compassion. We expect the “host family” to treat the servant as a member of the extended family, giving him the dignity of being able to correct his mistake in a warm and loving environment.

Now, let’s think about the host family for a moment. Why would they choose to hire the six year servant, a contract that demands a great deal of the master? To quote Maimonides:

“A master is obligated to treat any Hebrew servant or maid servant as his equal with regard to food, drink, clothing and living quarters, as implied by Deuteronomy 15:16 "for it is good for him with you." The master should not eat bread made from fine flour while the servant eats bread from coarse flour. The master should not drink aged wine while the servant drinks fresh wine. The master should not sleep on cushions while the servant sleeps on straw. Nor should the master live in a walled city while the servant lives in a village, or the master live in a village while the servant lives in a walled city, as implied by Leviticus 25:41: "And he shall leave you." (meaning that when he leaves, he leaves from “you”, from being your equal. M.F.) On this basis, our Sages said: "Whoever purchases a Hebrew servant purchases a master for himself." A master must treat his servant with brotherly love, as implied by Leviticus 25:46: "And with regard to your brothers, the children of Israel".

So with all that said, why would anybody want to purchase a servant?

The answer is that the host family is hiring the six year servant because they want to perform a Mitzvah. They understand that he needs help in order to work his way back into society and they are offering to help. They believe in compassion and kindness. They understand that if you want help someone, it’s not enough to write a check. You must open up your home. You must invite him or her into your family.

Like the story my dear friend and study partner, Steve, told me. He was an officer in the NYPD serving in the Bronx in the seventies. One day he is called to a store where the employees have caught someone stealing. Steve approached the guy and asked why he stole. The guy said that he has three children at home and he needs the money to feed them. Steve went in to speak to Mr. Hecht the store owner. When Mr. Hecht heard what the fellow said, not only did he refuse to press charges but he offered the guy a job on the spot.

What’s most amazing about this story is that within three years the guy moved up from stocking the shelves to store manager.

This would not happen by Mr Hecht just wanting to help the lost soul. It happened because Mr. Hecht opened the door and did more then let him into his backyard, he let him into his life.

Israeli Politics

I don't get involved with Israeli politics too much, but this is something that I have been thinking about recently.
When it comes to a peace agreement between the Israelis and the Palestinians there is one major issue which is usually not mentioned which I think is very important from an Israeli point of view. That is who is their partner? He is a leader of an entity which hasn't held elections since 2005. Now, Israel does have deals with dictators but they in general have control over their territory which is not the case with the PA. So where does Abbas's support come from? It mainly comes from being propped up by western governments through their financial support and their training of police and security personnel. And here is where the lesson of Egypt and Hosni Mubarak enters. Should Israel rely on the assurance of the west for the continued support of the current PA government? What happens if there is a political or popular uprising, similar to what happened in Egypt? Will America drop Abbas like a hot potato? What is the argument for why Israel should risk that?

Helium Balloon

We recently bought Helium balloons, and these balloons were attached to a long, light stick or maybe straw. What this effectively accomplished was that the balloons did not float away even without tying them down.
Basically there are two opposite forces at work here; the weight of the stick which is heavier than the air and weighs down, and the weight of the helium which is lighter than the air and as a result causes it to rise. And in this case the weight of the stick is enough to way the balloon down but not enough to drag it down to the ground.
In this particular case there are probably a few different ways to raise the balloon;
1. One can push or bump the balloon up and it will rise a little on its own and then settle back down.
2. A wind can blow and lift the balloon up.
3. One can chop some weight of the stick and it will automatically rise.
And the Nimshal to a Neshoma in a Guf is self-understood.