Elul

What do you make of Elul?

It's the one month of year that has so much intensity to it. Almost conflicting emotions run through you. What does this month mean? I'm I really up to it, again?

Cheshbon HaNefesh. Do we really want to go there. It's scary. Can I really live up to what I want to live up to? Is it going to be the same of the old? Getting into it right in the beginning, half way through you're like, hey, where did it go, and then comes Rosh Hashanah and it just slipped by. Now I'm in panic mode. How can I salvage what is left? How can I even do Rosh Hashanah now? And the real question, Is it really going to last? Will I be able to look back and say, this year something changed for the better? I came away with something.

But this whole thing is so anti what we stand for. In our circles Elul is one of the most inspiring and maybe even joyous months of the year. The King is right here. Chai Elul brings a Chayus into Elul. That was a misnagid talking before.

But what can we do? These are the feelings.

What it really boils down to is probably 2 things:
1. Being alive and being Human. We are always growing and in order to grow we must reflect, question ourselves. And have goals. Something we look forward to. Something we look up to and are trying to reach. That's just being human. So even if you don't succeed in your goals, you're still alive. And that's really the main thing.

2. Knowing ourselves. And I find this to be very difficult. For instance in the time of inspiration, you're ready to tackle anything, how do you not forget who you really are and where you're really holding. And it's much more than that. How do we differentiate between what we would love to be like and what we are? We didn't do something right, how do we know what was in our hands and what was out of our hands, particularly because that other guy did do it right?

This takes a lot of thinking and a lot of questioning. It also takes a lot of optimism.

By the Rebbe growth was a given. That was the Rebbe's call to people, to grow.

So the King is in the field. There's a lot we can accomplish. It's all at our fingertips. How are we going to anchor it? How are we going to make sure that this year it will happen.