Saturday, July 21, 2012

Selfish Prayer

When I think about prayer or more precisely davening I think of Bitul. To push myself to the side, get inspired by Hashem's awesomeness and come away humbled. And you know for me it's quite inspiring, there's nothing greater and more inspiring than transcending myself and breaking the shackles of my ego.
Then I discover that really davening is supposed to be selfish. Because the main thing is to inspire my animal soul and my animal is selfish. So what davening is supposed to be is: "You know me? Well Hashem is so good to me". Or "He's so awesome that's so amazing to me!"
More in the words of the maamer: emotions are selfish. If I don't feel myself then I can't have emotions. So I love you because I love myself and you're good to me so I love you. Our intellect is selfless, always trying to connect to higher and therefore it's much holier, more spiritual, loftier etc. But if I want to talk to my animal, intellect just won't cut it. I got to have emotions and emotions are selfish.
So davening is selfish, who would have guessed?
Parshas Pinchas Ayin Beis

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