Akeida

People have always struggled with the Akeida.
Sure it was only a test (which explains Hashem) but Avrohom was going to do it!
An answer I always give is that Yitzchok knew what was going on (he was 37) as Rashi explains.
But still.. It just doesn't sit so right.
An idea I had, is that to properly understand this we have to know where Avrohom was coming from. And we know he came from a place and an era where idol worship was rampant and this included child sacrifice. Which only strengthens the question Avrohom had moved away completely from the lifestyle of child sacrifice, then how could he entertain the thought that Hashem Echad would want this. (why for the purposes of passing the test could he not just say no thanks?)
If he would have said no, would he have failed the test? What was Hashem testing, How far  he could go before being stopped?
When thinking about Mitzvos and how we have to fulfill them because Hashem commanded us to and not because they make sense. What is moral? The only true morals are those given and made by Hashem. And this is the point hat Avrohom had to confront. He knew that sacrificing ones own was wrong and so did a lot of others. But why was it wrong because it didn't feel right? He knew that what makes something right or wrong is Hashem's command and that is what Hashem was testing, the understanding of what makes something moral.

Mi K'Amcha Yisrael

I was speaking to my mother and she was telling me about a teenager who is not a poster child for chassidishkeit. There was a question what would you do with the money if you would win the lottery. And the girl answered about different mosdos and Chabad Houses that she would donate to. My mother commented that her children also fit this behaviour the first things they would mention would be the Tzdoka they would give.
Mi K'Amcha Yisrael
On a side note, I remember fantasies I had as a teen, that I would gain access to the notorious Jew room in the CIA and there would be recordings of all the Shabbos farbrengens and Tkios and Hakofos.

Story told by Zaidy Mendel

After the war Zaidy was living in Germany and the Germans gave them a place to live. They had kicked out the Germans living there and given it to Jewish survivors. He was living with all different types of Jews and only one other Lubavitcher Aharon Elyah (? Author of Gershuni?). Aharon Elyah was well versed in chakirah philosophy.  The Chassidim where in Poking so for Yomim Tovim they would travel to Poking. It would take 3 trains to get there so they would get out at 2 stations. 

The antisemitism was very bad. The Jews and non Jews would sit separately. To identify if the person was a Jew they would say to the person "Amecha?" If the person would respond Amecha they would know he's Jewish. That was the code. 

It was a Yud Beis Tammuz and Zaidy and Aharon Elyah traveled to poking. At the secon station they got out and it was just a beautiful day. They went outside where there was a large and beautiful 'kikar' with trees grass etc. 

They where looking to find some Jews and saw 4 people talking. They walked over and said "Amecha?" And they responded Amecha. So they joined them.

The first guy was saying the great miracles HaShem had done for them during the holocaust that saved his family. One night he was walking by the fence surrounding the camp when a polish fellow threw a note over the fence and walked away. He opens the note and there's the address of this guy and says that if you can escape and come to this address I'll protect you till the end of the war.

He starts walking around the perimeter camp trying to find a place to escape. And finds a hole in the fence. He gets out goes to the address and shows the guy the note. The polish guy welcomes him in and says he'll of course help him and even his family if he can get them out.

So he would sneak into the camp and get his family members out one by one until he had gotten his whole family out and they hid in this polish guys house till after the war. So he was saying how amazing the miracles HaShem did for them. 

The second guy responds "so you're telling me that your family must have been greater tzaddikim then my father!? You see my father would sit and wear talis and Tefilin all day and completely removed himself from the world. The breadwinner was my mother. When the Germans came they ripped the Tefilin off my father's head and arm. Searched and took anything valuable in the house. Like the silver candlesticks and the like. Put them in a bag and tied them up with the Tefilin straps. Then killed my entire family. I'm the only one that survived. Since then I stopped believing.

The third guy then says you shouldn't say that. He said it in clear yiddish which is quite surprising based on the story he told. "By me my parents where completely assimilated. So much so that I didn't even know I was Jewish. When the Germans came they found out we're Jewish and came to take us away. As they where taking us my father says you should know we're actually Jewish. 

"I came to the camp and now that I found out I was Jewish I wanted to know what it means. So I started asking and learning whatever I could from the Jews. I then made a promise to HaShem that if I make it out of the camps I'll buy a pair of Tefilin put them on every day and do everything I can to do what HaShem wants me to do. 

"I found out that this holocaust isn't the first time this happened to us but that thousands of years ago it happened. If this happened so long ago and we're still here then how can you stop believing? I started believing!"

The fourth guy a young man responds, by asking questions the third guy about HaShem and faith. Aharon Elyah then turns to me and says this guy is good, he's asking deep questions, the others won't be able to answer I must mix in. And Aharon Elyah starts answering. The guy asks, Aharon Elyah answers or asks something back and the 2 are going back and forth one on one. Then the train blows its horn. It's about to leave so the conversation stops and they all get on the train separately. Again they ask a passenger "Amecha?" Someone responds "Amecha" and they sit down. 

A little later this fourth guy comes through the train from behind them. Passes them by goes to the end of the train and turns around and sees them. He comes over and says "I was looking for you!" 

They squeeze and make room for him and says; "you think I don't believe? Actually I'm a great believer. I'm now 22 years old and was taken to the camps at 14. I don't read any "empty" books. I just want to find out one thing is there a G-d? I read every book on the subject and I've come to the conclusion, you don't need faith to believe in G-d. It is was makes sense. Because all the books against belief don't answer any questions they just make them bigger!"

"But" he says, "I don't believe in the Torah being divine. But if I don't believe the Torah is from HaShem why do I get punished if I don't do them"? And he starts crying! Remember he was a 22 year old kid!

"So I told him a story of the Tzemach Tzedek. Someone once came to the Tzemach Tzedek saying he has doubts in his faith. So the Tzemach Tzedek asked him "nu, so what's wrong?" So he says "but I'm a Jew!" And starts crying. So the Tzemach Tzedek said "so then you believe!"

Forgiveness

What is Yom Kippur?

What is the most serious day of the year? What is forgiveness?

Yom Kippur is the holiest day of the year and we spend all day confessing our sins. Is that the holiest thing we can do?

R' Mendel when he came to New York he sees a few bochurim studying a maamer and sees the words "cheshbon hanefesh" and asks them what is a cheshbon hanefesh. They wait for him to respond so he says: "on Yom Kippur you think about all the sins you did in Cheshvan. Then the sins you did in Kislev and so on. Right? That's a cheshbon hanefesh, right?

"Feh! So many Yidden get together, fasting, praying, dressed up in a kittel, resemble angels, wrapped in a talis, and they're all thinking machshovos zoros - innappropriate thoughts!? And ones that they've long forgotten, they dredge back up!? Feh!

So what is a cheshbon hanefesh? Standing Yom Kippur you recall how wonderful Hashem was to you in Cheshvan. And how kind He was to you in Kislev and so on. And yet I was so callous, so careless, I hardly thought about Him at all, I went against so much of what He asks me. That's a cheshbon hanefesh."

The point is like this: forgiveness, Teshuvah is not about feeling regret or feeling guilty. Those usually come from the yetzer harah. It's the yetzer harah's tool to take control over us. Besides, what exactly do you regret? You didn't like sinning? It wasn't fun? It didn't meet your expectations?

You ask yourself "how could I have done it"? What, you can't believe it? You're just fooling yourself. If you can't believe you did it then you don't know yourself.

The same with forgiveness. How can you forgive? What does it mean you forgive? If the damage is done then the damage is done. You can't undo that. So you forgive anyway. Does that mean you really didn't care in the first place?

Yom Kippur and forgiveness are both about a relationship. We have a relationship with Hashem and in this context forgiveness makes sense. I forgive you means that our relationship means more to me then the damage done. I can't fix the damage. But you are more important to me and let's get back together.

What this means is: that as long as I'm focused on myself, if it's about me, which is what regret and guilt are, then there's no forgiveness. When I'm here for you that's where forgiveness is.

And that's why Teshuvah must be with joy. If it's about guilt then there's no joy. It's very depressing. But if it's about our relationship then when I lose myself and start focusing on you, the closeness brings great joy.

This is why Yom Kippur is not the most serious day. It's an awesome day. A joyous day. It's when we come so close to our Father in heaven.

Issues

Why are we getting down on ourselves?

Let's be honest: How much of my sins and mistakes are my fault? I know we have free choice so I had 100% freedom to choose not to do it but come on, who set me up to it? Who made the sin? Who made me want the sin? Who made me that I should desire sin? Or desire anything unG-dly? Or with my weak personality that I keep on giving in? Who made my personality?

So how much is really my fault? 5%? 4%? Less?

We must first of all realize that the way I am is the way I am meant to be. With all the issues, desires, weaknesses etc. I am exactly as Hashem intended me to be! There's nothing wrong with me! So why am I getting so hung up on my issues?

What I should be doing is understand that if this is the way Hashem intended me to be, so now what does He want me to do about it? That's really my only problem the rest is His problem.

And more globally; we look around and spiritually and morally we're at an all time low. Communities that seem so safe are losing children and values like never before. The public schools and the kids getting into who knows what?

But who's problem is that? Who's fault is it? Not mine. Not yours. It's His problem. Who made the world like it is? Who created internet where kids at the youngest ages know and might have seen stuff which adults in the past might have never known? Who made people enjoy doing bad?

The world is just the way it's meant to be!

So if people are losing faith is that surprising? If morality is at an all time low is that surprising? Kids on drugs, surprising...?

What is surprising is there are boys and girls out there who do the right thing! Who actually go against the grain and try their best! There are top quality chassidishe boys and girls. That's surprising! And possibly the greatest miracle of our time! Or maybe of all time!

Teshuvah

The HaYom Yom of 3 Tishrei:

The Tzemach Tzedek had yechidus with the Alter Rebbe on Monday of Teitzei, 6 Elul 5564 (1804); the Rebbe told him: "On Shabbat Tavo 5528 (1768), my Rebbe (the Maggid of Mezritch) said a "Torah" beginning V'shavta ad Havayeh Elokecha He explained that the avoda of teshuva must attain a level at which Havayeh, transcendent Divinity beyond worlds, becomes Elokecha - Elokim being numerically equivalent to hateva (nature), and as we find, "in the beginning Elokim created the heavens and the earth etc." All the Holy Society (disciples of the Maggid) were profoundly stirred by this teaching. The tzadik R. Meshulam Zusya of Anipoli said that he could not attain the heights of such a teshuva; he would therefore break down teshuva to its components, for each letter of the word teshuva is the initial of a verse:

T: Tamim - "Be sincere with the Eternal your G-d."

Sh: Shiviti - "I have set G-d before me always."

U: V'ahavta - "Love your fellow as yourself."

V: B'chol - "In all your ways, know Him."

H: Hatznei'a - "Walk discreetly with your G-d."

When my father told me this, he concluded: "The word teshuva comprises five (Hebrew) letters, each letter a path and a method in the avoda of teshuva." (He explained each method at length). Each moves from a potential state to actuality through the avoda of davening.

1. Isn't it interesting that a Rebbe says something to his Chassidim, they are very inspired and one of them says this is beyond me!? Your Rebbe just told you something and you say it's not for you?

What's even more interesting is that what R' Zushe says is what is then elaborated on! Not only do we accept his comment but we even study it and the original statement of the Maggid is almost like a side to the main idea!

And even more then that; the Alter Rebbe has an entire maamer in Lku"t explaining the concept of "the avoda of teshuva must attain a level at which Havayeh, transcendent Divinity beyond worlds, becomes Elokecha"! And that was said to his Chassidim and Chassidim afterwards till us! If R' Zushe couldn't handle it then why should we?!

2. What is the connection between the statement of the Maggid and the way R' Zushe breaks down the Avoda of Teshuvah. It seems the he was inspired by the Maggid's Torah that brought him to realize the 5 ways of Teshuvah. 

3. Something this HaYom Yom seems to be saying: 

Teshuvah always seemed to be a 'fix it'. You make a mistake then you got to fix it and that's Teshuvah. That's what you learn as a kid and that basically is what Teshuvah is.

Chassidus of course adds that Teshuvah can be done even without making a mistake because even the greatest Tzaddik is so distant from Hashem that he must return-Teshuvah. Yet it's still only about fixing a problem and very one dimensional.

This Hayom Yom gives a whole new life to Teshuvah. It's multifaceted, it has different paths, Teshuvah is a whole way of life unto it's own! And of course it's not depressing! It has so much to it!

Preparing for Yom Kippur maybe the message is stop doing Teshuvah! At least the way you've always understood it. The time is too holy, too awesome. Hashem's too close to be spending so much effort trying to depress yourself. Get up and join the race to the highest point of the year. The Achas Bashanah! Take any of the five tracks and get moving. You don't want to let this opportunity slip by!