Wednesday, September 11, 2013

Forgiveness

What is Yom Kippur?

What is the most serious day of the year? What is forgiveness?

Yom Kippur is the holiest day of the year and we spend all day confessing our sins. Is that the holiest thing we can do?

R' Mendel when he came to New York he sees a few bochurim studying a maamer and sees the words "cheshbon hanefesh" and asks them what is a cheshbon hanefesh. They wait for him to respond so he says: "on Yom Kippur you think about all the sins you did in Cheshvan. Then the sins you did in Kislev and so on. Right? That's a cheshbon hanefesh, right?

"Feh! So many Yidden get together, fasting, praying, dressed up in a kittel, resemble angels, wrapped in a talis, and they're all thinking machshovos zoros - innappropriate thoughts!? And ones that they've long forgotten, they dredge back up!? Feh!

So what is a cheshbon hanefesh? Standing Yom Kippur you recall how wonderful Hashem was to you in Cheshvan. And how kind He was to you in Kislev and so on. And yet I was so callous, so careless, I hardly thought about Him at all, I went against so much of what He asks me. That's a cheshbon hanefesh."

The point is like this: forgiveness, Teshuvah is not about feeling regret or feeling guilty. Those usually come from the yetzer harah. It's the yetzer harah's tool to take control over us. Besides, what exactly do you regret? You didn't like sinning? It wasn't fun? It didn't meet your expectations?

You ask yourself "how could I have done it"? What, you can't believe it? You're just fooling yourself. If you can't believe you did it then you don't know yourself.

The same with forgiveness. How can you forgive? What does it mean you forgive? If the damage is done then the damage is done. You can't undo that. So you forgive anyway. Does that mean you really didn't care in the first place?

Yom Kippur and forgiveness are both about a relationship. We have a relationship with Hashem and in this context forgiveness makes sense. I forgive you means that our relationship means more to me then the damage done. I can't fix the damage. But you are more important to me and let's get back together.

What this means is: that as long as I'm focused on myself, if it's about me, which is what regret and guilt are, then there's no forgiveness. When I'm here for you that's where forgiveness is.

And that's why Teshuvah must be with joy. If it's about guilt then there's no joy. It's very depressing. But if it's about our relationship then when I lose myself and start focusing on you, the closeness brings great joy.

This is why Yom Kippur is not the most serious day. It's an awesome day. A joyous day. It's when we come so close to our Father in heaven.

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